Are you ready for the Super Blue Blood Moon?
While that name sounds like a band that may have opened for Grand Funk Railroad in 1973, it is not. The Super Blue Blood Moon is a lunar event that only happens every 150 years or so and it’s coming up at the end of January to delight stargazers around the world.
Here is a description from Space.com:
“A Blue Moon is when two full moons happen in the same calendar month; lunar eclipses occur when the moon passes into Earth's shadow; and supermoons happen when the moon's perigee — its closest approach to Earth in a single orbit — coincides with a full moon. In this case, the supermoon also happens to be the day of the lunar eclipse,” writes Space.com contributor Jesse Emspak.
As the interim senior science and lunar event correspondent for this award-winning publication, a title I bestowed upon myself while everyone else was distracted by a phony ballistic missile warning, I will answer few questions about this spectacular event to help you, the reader, understand its significance. You are also free to stop reading at this point and turn instead to the wacky misadventures of that lovable obese feline, Garfield.
Q. I enjoyed Super Blue Blood Moon’s second album, “Howling Like the Wolf,” finding it a much more sonically pleasing effort than their derivative first album “Wang-Dang-a-Doodle Dang,” but after the Grand Funk Railroad tour I felt the band had run its course and when drummer James “Amish Jim” Tannyhill was killed in a tragic buggy crash, it was the right time to call it quits. Why a comeback now and what does the band have to offer at this late stage other than simply nostalgia?
A. Again, Super Blue Blood Moon is not a band from 1970s. It’s the rare simultaneous occurrence of three separate celestial events — a supermoon, a blue moon and a full lunar eclipse – and it will be visible Jan. 31.
Q. Will we need special glasses to look at the Super Blue Blood Moon eclipse like we did for the Great American Eclipse last year? My cousin Randall didn’t have any of those glasses back in August so he thought he could use a pair of Blu Blockers his wife ordered off TV and gave him for Father’s Day and I said, “Randall, you’ll fry your dadgum retinas out of your head doing that.” So he duct-taped another pair of Blu Blockers – she got two pair for the price of one plus additional shipping and handling – to the first pair and stared up at it for about 20 minutes and he says the spots still haven’t gone away. So where do we get the special glasses for the Super Blue Blood Moon eclipse so we don’t have to duct-tape two pair of Blu Blockers together and risk permanent eye damage?
A. A solar eclipse and a lunar eclipse are different. No special glasses or duct tape are needed. There is nothing dangerous about looking at a lunar eclipse with the naked eye or through binoculars.
Q. Can I borrow some binoculars?
Q. During the Super Blue Blood Moon, do you think there will be a lot more satanic cult activity due to this rare lunar event, lots of naked dancing around bonfires and chanting and human sacrificing and maybe chasing people in RVs down the highway like in the 1975 Peter Fonda-Warren Oates motion picture “Race with the Devil?”
A. Most experts believe this is unlikely.
Q. Huh. Try telling that to Peter Fonda and Warren Oates. Do you, the interim senior science and lunar event correspondent for this award-winning publication, have any final advice on the Super Blue Blood Moon?
A. Yes. Go outside, look up and see it because you probably won’t catch it the next time around.
Scott Hollifield is editor/GM of The McDowell News in Marion, NC and a humor columnist. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.